I miss panty raids

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Thank you for your excellent coverage on the local football team [“Illegal procedure,” April 12]. It’s nice to know the University of Montana football program’s high jinx have hit the big time. Forget panty raids, bonfires and keggers like the good old days. Bring on the pistol-whipping, home invasion, jaw-fracturing and sex, sex, sex. The latter, of course, only under the conditions of forced, non-consensual and drugged.

Which makes one realize that UM is looking in the wrong direction. They don’t need a new athletic director or football coach, they need a producer to promote the latest reality TV hit, “Jizz Nation”! Follow the sexploits of the errant few Jizzlies as they go from one sex crime to another. Watch school officials bob and weave, as if running the gauntlet of an NFL combine, to avoid blame and responsibility for the actions of players. Faster than you can say “felony sexual assault,” watch the new show displace “The Kar-trashians” as the best in reality TV. Go Jizz!

In all seriousness, the $2 million collected by the Grizzly Scholarship Association should be divided equally and paid to the men and women who’ve been on the receiving end of the assaults, sexual and otherwise, by the street thugs UM keeps trying to pass off to the paying public as upstanding college football players—thugs who are an embarrassment and disgrace to the students and players of UM whose pursuit in attaining victory in life and on the field is done so by playing by the rules on and off the field.

The UM president and provosts should put UM’s status as an institution of higher learning to good use in the form of a half-time program featuring the names and mug shots of all the Grizzly players convicted of crimes up on the big screen. What better way to educate the public, particularly the young Grizzly fans, about the real world of big-time college football programs? Moms and dads in the stands watching with their children can point to the mug on the big screen and remind their kids that that is the type of person they never want to be in life.

John Marshall

Hot Springs

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