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We heard a glassblower in eastern Washington just started making ceramic mustaches that attach to your keychain. The idea is you hold the piece up to your mug, fiddle the end and say, “Myiah,” while conspiring against your enemies. Pretty ridiculous really.

Myiah. John Q. Murray of The Clark Fork Chronicle, a west county community newspaper, has done quite a bit of conspiring against his arch-nemesis, Frenchtown Rural fire chief and human lightning rod Scott Waldron. The paper has extensively covered some of Waldron’s misadventures, including, most recently, a complaint of official misconduct filed by an area resident in May. Those official charges ended up going nowhere, officially.

However, the rough publicity and greater fear of the L word apparently prompted Waldron to muzzle his office as a political entity. The decision led to an interesting scene at the county board meeting July 23 where Commissioner Bill Carey voted against part of a subdivision proposal in Frenchtown because Waldron wouldn’t weigh in on whether the firefighting systems proved adequate. The board green-lighted the project anyway with Commissioner Larry Anderson saying, “I think this would be a unique situation that we’re finding here.” Translation: There’s only one Waldron.

Myiah. Folks on the wildlife side of the brucellosis issue think the Montana Dept. of Livestock is conspiring against elk in Yellowstone. That more-than-suspicion comes from agency DNA test results published last week showing that a brucellosis-positive heifer probably didn’t get the disease from other cows. Get it? If it didn’t come from cows, and it didn’t come from buffalo—because they’re all dead—then it must have come from elk. They still haven’t ruled out terrorists.

In case you forgot, brucellosis is a relatively innocuous malady that transmits by herbivore livestock eating the aborted placenta of an infectious ungulate and the appropriate vaccines somehow fail. Gov. Brian Schweitzer sounded pretty pro-wildlife in a July 18 letter slamming the feds for messing with feral ungulates while permitting elk feedlots in Wyoming, which he characterized as breeding grounds for disease.

Myiah. Local developers and land use attorneys—backed by the Missoula Organization of Realtors—claim the Office of Planning and Grants (OPG) is conspiring against them. They point to a list of proposed subdivision code amendments put forward by the county office earlier this month, noting that some of the new regs look a smidge reactionary. “I know OPG stayed up late into the night trying to get an injunction on one of our clients,” says land use lawyer Alan McCormick.

Of course, you can’t write a law without documenting the harm of offense… unless it’s a drug law. Myiah.

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